Am I That Dependent?

Could it be that being with one person for over a decade makes one dependent? Dependent on their approval, dependent on their judgment, dependent on their mere presence? Does missing my husband and wishing he was with me violate all the feminist propaganda that I was taught when I was young? Is strength trumped by the desire to have someone with you? Can I point to those seventeen years that I raised two sons on my own as proof I “don’t need anyone” because I can “do it all myself?” Does the yearning to spend time with my husband mean that that was all a sham and prove I’m really desperate and clingy?

I don’t want to say that I was having home sickness or that I was incapable of being alone but it had been so long ago and far away that I had been able to call all the shots without finding out how everyone else feels about things. That feeling I used to have when I was single and wished that I had someone to share an experience with was being revisited.

After leaving the EA Summer in the City Party I was walking the famous Michigan Avenue Bridge and yapping on my cell phone to my husband telling him how much I missed him and loved him and wished he were there. On one hand the freedom was a bit intoxicating but on the other hand I wanted to feel his hand in mind as I walked back to the hotel. Just a little over a year ago the two of us had stayed at the House of Blues. We’d had such a great time exploring Chicago. I had just finished reading Upton Sinclair’s book the Jungle before we’d gone and before that I’d read the Devil in the White City. Neither one of us imagined we’d ever come back to Chicago but there we were and now I might still be a stranger it’s no longer a strange land.

My next stop was supposed to be at the Queerosphere at the Crimson Lounge. They were going to be giving away a sweet cruise. That wasn’t the only reason I was going to go though. I wanted to say that I did something different. Remember going to this conference was about stepping out of my comfort zone. I was going to go places I've never been before. I can honestly say I'd never been to a gay bar. I was going to meet people from many different backgrounds and try to make new friends.

I whispered in the phone that I had to just drop my EA bag off and head on over to Hotel Sax. I never made it. I was too frightened to walk that far in the dark and the drizzle in a city I was not familiar with. Just two days earlier I had heard a news story about someone who was stabbed just a block or two from a downtown area with lots of trendy restaurants. If only I had someone to walk with I wouldn’t have been so nervous. I turned around after a couple of blocks and headed back to the Sheraton.

It's too bad I didn't get to go. If only it had been held at the hotel I definitely would have stopped by.

EA Summer in the City Party

I got back in the elevator and wondered if I should have stuck around. What if this had been the best party? Yet I knew Darryl was looking forward to me going to the EA Summer in the City Party.

The EA Summer in the City Party was the party that Darryl was most excited about. For me it was the Social Luxe Lounge Party. Darryl was hoping that they would give me some video games to try out and review. I had made sure he’d written what platform we use at home because I do NOT play video games.

This party was being held at the House of Blue and was sponsored by Electronic Arts. The last time Darryl and I had been to Chicago we had actually stayed at the House of Blues Hotel. When we were there we had talked about eating there but wound up never doing so.

I arrived at the venue about ten minutes early but already trying to devise a spiel to work on any representatives. I had decided to point out that video games are a thrifty purchase for a family because if you factor the cost over the number of hours your family spends playing the game it really is cost effective. You’re always marketing yourself in every situation I tell my students.

When we were allowed in I looked at all of the artwork they had displayed. I walked up to the bar and ordered a Bloody Mary. As I walked back to the dance floor I decided to check out the video games.

The first video game had me holding two controllers trying to hit a dummy. No not my ex-husband. It was one of those big punching bag things. It took me a couple of seconds to catch on to how to use the controllers but once I got it down it seemed easy enough.

One of the Wii Moms was explaining how she lost some weight playing these games. I could see that happening if someone was doing it every day. I wouldn’t mind owning one and doing aerobics with it. I could see how it would be a motivator. I could see how you could keep someone very engaged in the workout playing the game.

One of the waitstaff came over with a tray of coconut shrimp. Now I’ve tried frozen coconut shrimp before but never ordered it in a restaurant. More than likely because I was disappointed with the frozen coconut shrimp. I decided to try a couple of the nice plump shrimps and they were so very good. I could have sat down and eaten a plate full if I wasn’t trying to watch my weight.

I asked one of the other women who was there but not wearing an attendee badge if she was with the company. She was not but she wanted to show me another game. This one was called Spore Hero if I remember correctly. You can create your own creature hero with over 250 collectable parts and special abilities and fight to save your planet. You crash land on a strange alien world. But something evil has followed you and is threatening to destroy the creatures of the planet.

I could tell pretty quickly that it was not one that my family would have enjoyed. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. This is not because there was something wrong with the game. It really was pretty cool. It just didn’t strike me as something they would like.

My husband's favorite game is Grand Theft Auto. My son's love that game too. Other than the music on the game I can't stand it and I don't understand their obsession with it. They also enjoy war game video games. The EA game party was about family games and the games my husband and sons are playing certainly do not fall in that category.

Another person came by and asked if I wanted to try some buffalo wings. I took a couple while I checked out the next game which was Need for Speed NITRO! This was another game that looked like it would be great for some people but my family doesn’t care for race games either. The graphics were AWSOME though.

I stood there for a few moments and talked with a woman who said she was there with sponsor but I didn’t know in what capacity. I gave my whole spiel and she agreed. If you factored the price over the amount of hours you spend enjoying the game the cost of the game was affordable. I gave her my card and then prepared to leave.

This was one of those events that Darryl would have enjoyed more. He could maybe talk about video games or consoles or those kinds of things but I don’t like video games. I think the peak for me was Pac-Man and that was it.

There was yet another party for me to go to and I was already buzzing. I normally don’t drink this much and the drinks all seem to be hitting me pretty hard. As I left the party they handed me a duffle bag and I was glad they did that. I needed one to help me get all my stuff home. It was beginning to be almost comical at this point.

If you looked up the words "frumpy teacher" my picture would be right there. While I was never the life of the party, even when I was young, I used to put on my boogie shoes and dance the night away back in the day. Now I've left Sugar Mountain and I'm asleep by ten at night so I can wake up by six to get ready to go to work. The whole idea that I had this busy social schedule of one party after the other seemed so out of place in my "real life".

I checked the bag for videos or discounts and found none. My husband will be so very disappointed but I had a great time. I left early before many people had shown up but I hope more people got a chance to see the great games. From there it's on to the next party.